America [2011]

is kicked-over headstones on neatly manicured lawns

  is a desperate woman pleading for custody of her child 

on a pay phone outside of 7-Eleven

is high-fructose corn syrup and mayonnaise

is flat-screen televisions and chronic obesity

is drinking a bottle of Bud Light     listening to Nickelback     
             and making frivolous E-Bay purchases with a stolen Mastercard

is Adam Sandler in Rated Arg For Pirates

is 13 million people tuning in for the debut episode of the new reality show     
                     Methletes

is forgetting your mother lives in a nursing home 

down the street

is seeing the face of Jesus in your Spinach Noodle Kugel

is smoking your crack pipe through an infected tracheotomy wound

is a Cub Scouts group leader masturbating to blurry videos of 
                           Thai children being skinned alive

is voting against your own best interests to keep from voting for 
  the black guy

is 23 emaciated greyhounds found caged in an 8' x 10' tool shed 
is the belief that attending church on Sunday morning makes up for the fact that you're 

a malicious asshole every other day of the week

is 11 men gang-raping a 15-year-old blind girl in a bar 

outside of Louisville

is a prescribed pill to solve every problem

is an unwashed man in a sleeveless South Park t-shirt proudly parading 

the Stars and Bars through the courtyard of his apartment building

is a hiking path that ends at a pile of used condoms and syringes

is 4-wheel drive     a Hemi engine     and a Red Wings bumper sticker

is your grandfather dead from heart disease at 54

is the Pledge of Allegiance     morning prayers     and Intelligent Design class

is your third D.U.I. in less than 18 months

is a toddler in filthy diapers running barefoot with a pack of dogs

is the only place in the world where you are honestly lauded 

for staunch ignorance

is the land of the "free" and the home of the "brave"
                                                                                                          is 235 years old?