…101 [2011]

(this is the setting     here)

(an unassuming man walks in and takes a seat at a desk in front of the classroom)

"I liked it     it had a good flow"

may I have your attention, please?     [disinterest]     I trust you all had a fine weekend, 
walking your varied apathies?     [late arrivals shuffle in]

"I thought it was cool how it seemed so truthful"

[throat clearing]     this is the reading of ambiguous literatures and the pursuit of 

a sycophantic artistic identity and the observation of a sleepy culture we can all be 
comfortable with 101     [the clock is observed]

"my mom told me I should take this class"

first off, open your textbooks [what textbooks?] to page 69     [giggle]     
what mysteries can be assumed of these small, artificial houses?     [silence]     
might the sickles of harvesting poets [giggle] be found within their 
understanding lockers?     [shuffling of papers]     [throat clearing]

is "I" a magnetic animal?     [cell-phone beeps]

"I don't understand, but I can tell you worked hard on it"

I am talking about assignments and expectations     [sigh]     perhaps you might 
submit this piece for further revision     [throat clearing]     is there anybody 
occupying the allotted dozen seats before me?     [silence]     am I talking?     
[absence]

"I was forced to crawl six blocks, drunk. on my hands and knees, in nothing
             but my roommate's Harry Potter bathrobe, to use the gas station restroom 
on Saturday night, and get some nachos"

where am I?     [disinterest]     is this purgatory?     [sigh]     I [giggle] 
have pancreatic cancer

(a scattering of dumbfounded students suddenly applauds enthusiastically)

(the setting has been reset)

o.k.     let's try this again     may I have your attention, please?